General Hospital - MESSAGE BOARDS

Hello All,

I'm relatively new to GH, and had a thought to come up with a "survival guide" to living in Port Charles that pokes fun at the various cliches of soap operas and GH. Feel free to add!

1. When having a conversation containing sensitive information, make sure to check immediate rooms, doors, and hallways in case of eavesdroppers (i.e. children, siblings, spouses, parents, enemies). You never know when your infomation may fall into the wrong hands!

2. Also, when the one person you do not want hearing specific information comes up behind you, chances are they may inexplicably have not heard what you just said.

3. When being lectured about life decisions, situations and circumstances, it is usually coming from someone in the worst position to give advice.

4. Legal troubles? Look up Diane Miller. She comes mob-recommended! Years of acquitted charges can't be wrong!

5. Feel free to revisit past loves and mistakes as desired. Your potential lover may have been someone who caused injury to you or your family in the past, but who knows? There may be a lesson in there you missed the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd time!

6. You'll have no trouble finding good childcare in Port Charles. Your children will have good company with the other various PC youngsters out and about at odd hours of the day/night.

7. If your child is involved in some sort of criminal activity, your first instinct should be to cover it up, accident or not! Their future is the priority, regardless of the effects on other PC residents.

I'll think of more

What a great list!! I laughed at every one of those!

8. If you are high ranking criminal gangster, don't waste money on top level guards or security, the people you least want in your house, will be able to waltz in any time of the day, with no trouble at all. Why pay for inefficiency?

9. If you are considering entering into a relationship with someone you like, make sure you are not related to them somehow. That PC family web is a tricky one!

10. It is imperative to have formal wear in your closet, ready to be worn at a moment's notice. Invitations to formal functions will never arrive sooner than 48 hours before the event.

11. Abovementioned formalwear should include a bullet-proof vest or bustier since there is a greater chance than not that bullets will be fired before the function ends.

12. Take dancing lessons immediately. All residents must display an ability to waltz within 60 days of taking up residence in PC.

13. All residents' cell phones will be reprogramed to add the phone numbers of all other residents.

14. Do not bother to send wedding gifts until after the wedding. This will save you time and money since fully 75% of weddings planned and/or attended in Port Charles do not result in marriage vows being exchanged.

1B-- (Further when having confidential conversations) make sure that your doors and windows are unlocked

15. Ladies, steer clear of Sonny Corinthos. He can seemingly impregnate women just by being in the same room as them.

16. If you do get pregnant, just like you shouldn't buy wedding presents til after the date, don't buy anything for the baby until after it's born, because Port Charles has a very high rate of miscarriage. You might be better off leaving the country for nine months.

17. Actually, while you have young kids, you should just leave town for awhile, because they WILL be kidnapped.

18. Don't wait for people to say "bye" before hanging up the phone, because they won't.

19. If you have had any medical or nursing training at all, be prepared to perform emergency procedures at any given time in any given location.

20. Port Charles has univerisal child care as adults can come and go as they please without worrying about who's watching their children.

21. If you are a woman, wear totally inappropriate clothing at work in the daytime: e.g. very low cut cleavage, backless dresses and micro mini skirts.

22. Never knock before walking into an office or someone's home.

23. When in intensive care, anyone and everyone can just walk in off the street and hang around.

24. If you are a hospital employee, never walk into the supply room unless you are prepared to find a couple in flagrante delicto.

25. If you are patiently waiting at the hospital bedside of a loved one, and they start coding, don't press the call button, run into the hall and scream HELP!!