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Quote outland: Trinilisa,
I read your response to riara this morning before going to work and had a lump in my throat for quite some time.

Your wounds are very fresh and almost everything could rub you the wrong way. I realize that these are only words, but I wish to inform you that by expressing your feelings, even on an anomonous board as are these, you open yourself to alot of joy.

It may at this time be of no consequence that we are here to take some of the load off, then as I know, that load can only go as time heals. Your weariness is also your bravity, your uncertainty is also your control mechanism, your pain is also your healing and your trust is the key to going on.

You may feel that this may bring others down, but I am certain, that there are those who would only but so dearly wish that they could open themselves up and allow others to look inside... to realize that there are alot of boxes in the rooms in the heart that are labeled but not opened.. not knowing where to place them or what to throw out... not knowing if one should open the doors and peek inside...

But... you have taken the first step... you have admitted your anger, your sensitivity, your pain and confusion.. to yourself and are not afraid of what others think in the moment when you say what you really feel.

That is good... it will all be good again someday... but it will take time and prayer.

I read that you are not on very good speaking terms with God at the moment. He knows that, He knows how you feel and what you think... and that you have chosen to argue with his motives, is real and honest communication and He wants nothing more.

We don't know what would have happened to Mike in future, if the circumstances under which he passed would have included the passing of others with him... you said that he passed at home while watching TV with you... Perhaps that was God's blessing.

So many die alone....

My father died of a massive coronary, not to be revived. My mother was in the kitchen, about 12 feet away from the bedroom and as a nurse tried in vain to bring him back. She gave him CPR until the sanitators came and the emergency doctor ordered for him to be taken out on a slab... my parents were not young... he had just been retired for a couple of years, built their dream house in FLA and were finally alone for one another and before one could say boo--- he was gone.

My family is spread alover the globe, this elderly woman had to stay in that house alone. After over 42 years of marriage, she had to learn to live alone.... and that all alone.

I realize that you will probably say, well at least they had 42 years, but you know what??? A sudden death is a tragedy at any age.

You are brave and alert. You will have pain, think that Mike is there in the room with you, you will come home after shopping on saturday and expect him to help you with the groceries... it will be difficult. But rest assured, each time you experience such things, it is a blessing that God sends you, to let you know that you have had the gift of real love in your life. True love and Dear Love.

It was a quick passing, better than one where Mike suffered without end until his time came... be thankful and cherish the pain that you feel over the loss, it will help you heal and grow... but most of all... stay true to yourself.

If you are angry, sad, confused, bitter, lost in memories or could have beens... live these feelings to the fullest. Stay brave and love yourself for the both of you.

And if no one has said it yet today, Jesus loves you and I do, too!

God bless and keep you,

He has sent you our way, because his wings are large and wide... we are his feathers, let us carry you over the stile and broken roads, until you are strong enough to carry your burden alone.

Love always,

Denise!

Quote judy_bo_booty: trinilisa
I too lost my husband suddenly in September of last year. He was killed in a house fire. Very very tragic, and I am still in tears pretty much at some point each and every day. I also lost my father a few weeks ago. When it rains it pours, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hang in there.
Your memories will help comfort you.

Quote judy_bo_booty: trinilisa
I too lost my husband suddenly in September of last year. He was killed in a house fire. Very very tragic, and I am still in tears pretty much at some point each and every day. I also lost my father a few weeks ago. When it rains it pours, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hang in there.
Your memories will help comfort you.

Quote Cyan02: Hi Trinilisa,
I was just sitting here, listening to the Blue Jays game, and thinking about you. How are you doing?? I understand you'll be heading home to Toronto soon, so at that point, I would only be stone's throw away....well, as long as you have an arm like Vernon Wells!! Does this mean you have to become a Blue Jays fan?

Have a safe trip home. I know you will be back with family and friends, once you hit Toronto. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Quote pointofview: Hey! I am a Yankee fan! Just because I could get to the Bronx from where I grew up...I know they have umpteen dollars to get players, and that gives them the advantage, at least it did for many years...but all you needed to do was to go and see Joe Pepitone's long(ish) hair flowing in the breeze....!

Quote judy_bo_booty: thank you ladies.
As weird as it may seem, posting on the message board is a form of therapy.
I enjoy it, and it keeps your mind off of other things. You also get to meet people and see that everyone has their cross to bear. Makes things bearable.