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Quote outland: Trinilisa,
I read your response to riara this morning before going to work and had a lump in my throat for quite some time.

Your wounds are very fresh and almost everything could rub you the wrong way. I realize that these are only words, but I wish to inform you that by expressing your feelings, even on an anomonous board as are these, you open yourself to alot of joy.

It may at this time be of no consequence that we are here to take some of the load off, then as I know, that load can only go as time heals. Your weariness is also your bravity, your uncertainty is also your control mechanism, your pain is also your healing and your trust is the key to going on.

You may feel that this may bring others down, but I am certain, that there are those who would only but so dearly wish that they could open themselves up and allow others to look inside... to realize that there are alot of boxes in the rooms in the heart that are labeled but not opened.. not knowing where to place them or what to throw out... not knowing if one should open the doors and peek inside...

But... you have taken the first step... you have admitted your anger, your sensitivity, your pain and confusion.. to yourself and are not afraid of what others think in the moment when you say what you really feel.

That is good... it will all be good again someday... but it will take time and prayer.

I read that you are not on very good speaking terms with God at the moment. He knows that, He knows how you feel and what you think... and that you have chosen to argue with his motives, is real and honest communication and He wants nothing more.

We don't know what would have happened to Mike in future, if the circumstances under which he passed would have included the passing of others with him... you said that he passed at home while watching TV with you... Perhaps that was God's blessing.

So many die alone....

My father died of a massive coronary, not to be revived. My mother was in the kitchen, about 12 feet away from the bedroom and as a nurse tried in vain to bring him back. She gave him CPR until the sanitators came and the emergency doctor ordered for him to be taken out on a slab... my parents were not young... he had just been retired for a couple of years, built their dream house in FLA and were finally alone for one another and before one could say boo--- he was gone.

My family is spread alover the globe, this elderly woman had to stay in that house alone. After over 42 years of marriage, she had to learn to live alone.... and that all alone.

I realize that you will probably say, well at least they had 42 years, but you know what??? A sudden death is a tragedy at any age.

You are brave and alert. You will have pain, think that Mike is there in the room with you, you will come home after shopping on saturday and expect him to help you with the groceries... it will be difficult. But rest assured, each time you experience such things, it is a blessing that God sends you, to let you know that you have had the gift of real love in your life. True love and Dear Love.

It was a quick passing, better than one where Mike suffered without end until his time came... be thankful and cherish the pain that you feel over the loss, it will help you heal and grow... but most of all... stay true to yourself.

If you are angry, sad, confused, bitter, lost in memories or could have beens... live these feelings to the fullest. Stay brave and love yourself for the both of you.

And if no one has said it yet today, Jesus loves you and I do, too!

God bless and keep you,

He has sent you our way, because his wings are large and wide... we are his feathers, let us carry you over the stile and broken roads, until you are strong enough to carry your burden alone.

Love always,

Denise!

Quote wannazach: Hi Trinilisa,
I don't watch B&B and only post on AMC and the lounge. Your story is really very touching. I am so glad you have this board to help you in some little way in this sad time. I wish you all the strengh and courage there is to help you through this. Please feel free to vent anytime in any way here in the lounge. I'll be here for you if you need me and I know your many friends will be too. We all take care of our own. Lots of good wishes to you.

Quote pointofview: Hi, Trinilisa:

Wow! I would never guessed by your previous posts about your tragedy! All of our thoughts are with you--I cannot even imagine...

Riaria is just another in what seems like a long line of contraries and spoil sports. You certainly had every right to confront her--many of us have done that as well, but not as eloquently as you!

I hope she does not reappear. I don't understand the hatred that some people need to spew, especially on our "break from reality" boards!

Prayers go out to you for all the plans and decisions ahead of you. Stay strong! POV

Quote trinilisa: I am not trying to create this topic as a form of bettering myself or anything; please don't get me wrong. I just wanted to explain why I kinda went off on "riaria". See, I lost my husband on Mar/10. It was due to a massive heart attack. He had no idea he had a heart condition, or at least I don't think he knew! I'm sure he would have let me know if he had known. Anyway, the death certificate said that he was gone in a matter of five minutes, so all the rescue and the ER were doing was trying to bring him back. So I am a 31-year-old widdow. Well, I try to find some consolation in the fact that he died quickly, and with me. He had been watching TV and hanging out with me when he roled over and I thought he was going to sleep. I guess it could have been worse; he could have died while driving or in a car as a "John Doe" or something. At least he died with a bit of dignaty, and where he wanted to be, as he died at home with his wife. I know I nev er was, and never will be, worthy of him. This is why I took great offense to Riaria's post on the B&B update board about us "finding a good man". It just made me really angry, you know? I mean, especially when I have to leave where my husband and I move to in September of 07, to try and put my life together. Plus when she said the thing about us knowing that it was a "show" really sent me over the edge; I try to use these boards to kind of step out of reality, you know? So I am really sorry if what I posted made anyone uncomfortable, but I have found some "comfort" (if you will), in stepping out of reality and posting on the B&B board as well as their message board. It gives me something to do, until I pack up and move back to Canada, you know? So again, I am sorry if this brings anyone down, on the B&B board, as well as their message board, as well as the lounge. I haven't read up on any of the threads, but I imagine this is a happy place. So I am sorry for imposing...

Quote Cyan02: Good Morning, Trinilisa.
So happy to hear you had a nice evening with Mike's friend and girlfriend. It is wonderful that you can surround yourself with his friends, and yours.
Sorry, my friend, no brilliant thoughts or insight this morning, just wanted to check in on you and remind you that you are not alone. Just like Mike's friends did last night.
I love your fighting spirit; it will keep you going in the tough times, and hopefully we can help, too.

Chat with you again soon.

Quote gypsymama:

Apparently someone is busy boostin bout their life with a man. First of all, one doesn't neccessarily need a man to fulfill themselves. Not one person on this board is better than the other. People that brag big time bout their personal crap generally have somethin to hide to make themselves look good. Do not take her words to heart...just a bunch of wasted air spewin out such garbage. My heart breaks for you, you lost the love of your at an early age. It's heartbreakin. it isn't enuff that you are goin thru alot of emotional stuff right now, you don't need all that garbage that is bein written. You are among friends here and we will not allow that. We got your your back girlfriend. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Just so you know, you don't owe anyone any explanation about anything. Don't you dare apologize.

Quote kitty kitty: Trinilisa
I just want to let you know that I'm thinking about you and Glad that you had a Nice Evening with Mike's Friends.
Just continue to surround yourself around Family and Friends. God Bless you!!!!


Kitty Kitty

Quote Cyan02: Good evening, Trinilisa!!!
You are probably watching (or listening?) to your baseball game, but I thought I'd check in with you anyway.

I have two questions. Do you have a way you'd allow us to shorten your screen name? And, secondly, who are you rooting for tonight? Which game are you watching/listening to? The Mets and Phillies?? We listened to the Jays this afternoon (what can I say?? We live on a farm and we don't have cable).

We are done for the day, and now I'm snuggled down with my computer, watching the hockey playoffs!

Take good care of yourself,

Cyan (Robin)

Quote pointofview: Hey, there:

Is Trini a good nickname for you? Actually , I like Sister Friend, like you addressed me! Makes me feel loved!!! Please keep us posted....you are one of us! POV (Sue)

p.s. Cyan...glad to know your name (Robin)!