Soaps.com - MESSAGE BOARDS

I am not trying to create this topic as a form of bettering myself or anything; please don't get me wrong. I just wanted to explain why I kinda went off on "riaria". See, I lost my husband on Mar/10. It was due to a massive heart attack. He had no idea he had a heart condition, or at least I don't think he knew! I'm sure he would have let me know if he had known. Anyway, the death certificate said that he was gone in a matter of five minutes, so all the rescue and the ER were doing was trying to bring him back. So I am a 31-year-old widdow. Well, I try to find some consolation in the fact that he died quickly, and with me. He had been watching TV and hanging out with me when he roled over and I thought he was going to sleep. I guess it could have been worse; he could have died while driving or in a car as a "John Doe" or something. At least he died with a bit of dignaty, and where he wanted to be, as he died at home with his wife. I know I nev er was, and never will be, worthy of him. This is why I took great offense to Riaria's post on the B&B update board about us "finding a good man". It just made me really angry, you know? I mean, especially when I have to leave where my husband and I move to in September of 07, to try and put my life together. Plus when she said the thing about us knowing that it was a "show" really sent me over the edge; I try to use these boards to kind of step out of reality, you know? So I am really sorry if what I posted made anyone uncomfortable, but I have found some "comfort" (if you will), in stepping out of reality and posting on the B&B board as well as their message board. It gives me something to do, until I pack up and move back to Canada, you know? So again, I am sorry if this brings anyone down, on the B&B board, as well as their message board, as well as the lounge. I haven't read up on any of the threads, but I imagine this is a happy place. So I am sorry for imposing...

Good morning, trinilisa.
Wow, you have really been through a rough time, and my heart breaks for you. Thank goodness you were with him at the time. Please accept my condolences. My husband and I will hopefully celebrate our 25th in June. I don't know how I would survive if anything happened to him.

Hopefully, Riaria didn't want us to take it personally, and it was one of those things that people toss off without thinking.

It would be wonderful if you could take comfort with some of the ladies we have in the Lounge (did you find it, by the way?). They have been a great bunch. You also mentioned that you were moving back to Canada. Where are you moving? We have a bunch of Canadian B&B fans, east to west coasts (I'm in southern Ontario, northeast of Toronto). Was your hubby an American?

Hopefully, I'll see you on the boards later today. I don't think you said anything wrong, and I'm not sure you've even vented!!

How horrible and tragic that is to hear.
My dad died very suddenly at home June 1, 2005.
The paramedics could not revise him. It was too late.
I pray that GOD will give you strength to go on.


My cousin died at the age of 31 from a heart related problem. It is difficult for people to believe that someone who looks buff and fit could suddenly have this happen to them at such a young age.

Trinilisa, my heart and my prayers go out to you. I pray that you know God and can let Him bring you peace and comfort as no one else can. Be blessed.

nanaof8

Cyan02,
Thanks a lot; I really appreciate it. My husband was born in America, but became a dual citizen of both America and Canada. We had moved here in September to take care of his mother because she is getting on in years. We lived in downtown Toronto, but have family in Scarborough, Brampton, Ajax and Lindsay. I also have friends and a couple of cousins in Montreal.

Dakota,
Waw! That's young! I am sorry for your losses as well. I have found an online support group and will perhaps get some counselling when I get back to Toronto. Well, I will have to juggle my schedules cuz I also need to find a job and my own place, plus get our taxes done. But hopefully my husband can help me out; I've already told him to tell me what to do and point me in the right direction. I've seen a few little things that have happened that makes me think he is watching over me.

Nanaof8,
Thanks; I appreciate it. As for God, He and I are having some issues right now. But I still do pray that I can work through my anger towards Him because I do not like feeling angry at Him.

Btw, the only reason why I typed "AND EVERYONE ELSE" in my title was because I figured that some people just read the update board and do not post; I used to do that.

TriniLisa,

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for! Some people just join message boards to pick fights and deserve to get a smack down! Stupid is stupid, no matter who they "claim" they are, what they look like, etc, etc.

I'm like you - I pretty much take people at face value, and tend to believe them, because I would like to be treated that way. But there is no accounting for intolerance, insensitivity, and just plain bad behavior. I went back and read some of "riaria's" posts, and I honestly don't think she is a she, attends college, has blonde hair, or most importantly, has that boyfriend she kept quoting.

I'm more prone to believe she/he is a slack-jawed out of work high school drop-out living on welfare and returnable cans. Because if his/her spelling is any indication, he/she wouldn't have made it out of ninth grade.

Keep the faith, you've got brains and compassion, and that's more than a lot of people can say.

Thanks; I appreciate it. Well, I debated whether I should say anything before I said anything. But that whole having a good man thing really ticked me off (I got censored for typing p**sed...lol). And the other comment about not telling reality from a show...I thought, who does this witch think she is? And I think you're right; she probably doesn't have a bf, I think she just created it as a way of havingt someone who agreed with her! Talk about not telling reality from fantasy!

Trinilisa
I'm sorry for your lost May God give you his Peace and His
Comfort during this time. I'm Praying for you!!!!

Kitty Kitty(Pamela)

Trinilisa,
I read your response to riara this morning before going to work and had a lump in my throat for quite some time.

Your wounds are very fresh and almost everything could rub you the wrong way. I realize that these are only words, but I wish to inform you that by expressing your feelings, even on an anomonous board as are these, you open yourself to alot of joy.

It may at this time be of no consequence that we are here to take some of the load off, then as I know, that load can only go as time heals. Your weariness is also your bravity, your uncertainty is also your control mechanism, your pain is also your healing and your trust is the key to going on.

You may feel that this may bring others down, but I am certain, that there are those who would only but so dearly wish that they could open themselves up and allow others to look inside... to realize that there are alot of boxes in the rooms in the heart that are labeled but not opened.. not knowing where to place them or what to throw out... not knowing if one should open the doors and peek inside...

But... you have taken the first step... you have admitted your anger, your sensitivity, your pain and confusion.. to yourself and are not afraid of what others think in the moment when you say what you really feel.

That is good... it will all be good again someday... but it will take time and prayer.

I read that you are not on very good speaking terms with God at the moment. He knows that, He knows how you feel and what you think... and that you have chosen to argue with his motives, is real and honest communication and He wants nothing more.

We don't know what would have happened to Mike in future, if the circumstances under which he passed would have included the passing of others with him... you said that he passed at home while watching TV with you... Perhaps that was God's blessing.

So many die alone....

My father died of a massive coronary, not to be revived. My mother was in the kitchen, about 12 feet away from the bedroom and as a nurse tried in vain to bring him back. She gave him CPR until the sanitators came and the emergency doctor ordered for him to be taken out on a slab... my parents were not young... he had just been retired for a couple of years, built their dream house in FLA and were finally alone for one another and before one could say boo--- he was gone.

My family is spread alover the globe, this elderly woman had to stay in that house alone. After over 42 years of marriage, she had to learn to live alone.... and that all alone.

I realize that you will probably say, well at least they had 42 years, but you know what??? A sudden death is a tragedy at any age.

You are brave and alert. You will have pain, think that Mike is there in the room with you, you will come home after shopping on saturday and expect him to help you with the groceries... it will be difficult. But rest assured, each time you experience such things, it is a blessing that God sends you, to let you know that you have had the gift of real love in your life. True love and Dear Love.

It was a quick passing, better than one where Mike suffered without end until his time came... be thankful and cherish the pain that you feel over the loss, it will help you heal and grow... but most of all... stay true to yourself.

If you are angry, sad, confused, bitter, lost in memories or could have beens... live these feelings to the fullest. Stay brave and love yourself for the both of you.

And if no one has said it yet today, Jesus loves you and I do, too!

God bless and keep you,

He has sent you our way, because his wings are large and wide... we are his feathers, let us carry you over the stile and broken roads, until you are strong enough to carry your burden alone.

Love always,

Denise!

Waw! That was really beautiful. I am really happy that I have not been condemned for being angry at God. I have been reading the B&B update board since like November or so. I even posted a bit on the message board back in Jan or so. Like I said, I debated whether I should have called Riaria out on the board, especially when there are strict guidelines for us to keep on topic. But I figured that if I hadn't said anything, she would just continue her BS and then I would have to give her a beat-down. So I figured that it was best to do it in a calm manner. Also, I was afraid of people saying that I was taking things too personally because she's a stranger, and it's just a board. But I thought, oh well; it's their opinion. But after I posted it, I felt guilty, like I was blaming her for something she had nothing to do with, and since I knew about the on-topic thing, I figured I would bring it to the lounge.
Well, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. And I don't think that at all, about the 42 years, because, like you said, a sudden death is always tragic. Mike did not suffer, and that's the only thing I take comfort in. Well, that, and that he died at his own place, and wasn't same "John Doe" in a parking lot, or crashed the car, or whatever. And he didn't sustain any kinda injuries that made him unrecognizable or anything. He also seemed to not feel any pain, because my aunt who works for Hospis told me that if he was in pain, he would have cried out or something. And all he did was make like a loud snoring sound. Well, I am glad that you guys don't think I'm bringing you down too much, and I'm glad you guys are here to help me through this; you're a good group. Strange as it may seem, I feel more comfortable sharing this on an anonomous board (or with a counseller) than with my own family. I guess I feel like I won't be judged, plus writing about it has been quite theraputic for me. On my online support group, there is a section to write in a journal, and I have been utilising it. Thank yo uguys for being here. I wonder if any of you are on at night? I say that because the nights are the hardest. I mean, when my friends sign off msn, and my inbox says that I have no new mail, that's when the loneliness really kicks in. So I come onto the B&B board, and check out the comments and catch up on them. I also listen to a lot of baseball games; Mike had purchased Gameday audio for me. So that's good. But I may post here a lot at night. I mean, it's quite a blow, not having someone around you 24-7, and I don't expect that from my friends and family; they have their own lives. So I guess until I get a life, I will become a message board posting junkie!

May you find Peace in His arms at this time. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost my m-i-l the same way, she was at home, on the phone laughing one second, and gone the next. In the twinkling of an eye.......

You are surrounded by prayers, and God's Love. I know that does not "make it all better", but please know that you will find the strength to make it through each day.

Remember to take care of yourself too. Your husband would want that....& yes, you were worthy of him....he chose you....we always feel we should have loved harder, done more......just know you lived each day loving each other.

Standing Solid, Firm, and Safe, Upon His Rock

Thanks for the nice post. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I can totally relate to someone's life being turned upside down in the twinkle of an eye, like you said.
Well, I have been taking care of myself today; I did my facial mask, and deep conditioned my hair and stuff. I'm going out with one of Mike's best friends and his gf tonight, and tomorrow, Mike's other best friend and his wife. So I'm happy to be able to get out of the house. I went out yesterday, but it was a bad day, even before I left the house, and I went with Mike's mom and stepdad to this place to get seafood. That would have been fine, but, first of all, I was having a bad day, and second of all, it was the same place that Mike and I used to go to watch the sunset and have a pineapple colada, and sometimes I would get some food. But not even the waves, and the smell of the ocean air could bring me comfort yesterday. But today I feel better. I also took care of myself by purchasing our last big purchase we had discussed. It was a digital camera, and I had told Mike that I wanted to get it for my b-day (May/25) because it was gonna be my first b-day away from my family, who are all in Canada. So he had said I could get it, and that I should wait until closer to my b-day because maybe something else would come on sale, and if it wasn't on sale, he would put the rest of the money and I can get it. But somehow I think he would have bought it for me...he would have pouted, but like for a minute, and then he would have gotten into it with me and had fun. Because I'm leaving on Thursday for Canada, and the tax here is less than 14%, I decided to get it last Sunday. I asked him which one I should get, and I settled on a Canon SD1100IS. So I feel like it's ours, because he did say I could get it, so it wasn't like a spontanious thing. In fact, three days before he died, we were at Circuit City, looking at them. And the day before he died (the Sunday), he was checking out the flyers to see what was on sale. But I will try to have fun when I go out for dinner tonight; Mary is complaining to me and everyone else that I'm not eating much. But I'll eat when I'm hungry, dammet! lol