Soaps.com - MESSAGE BOARDS

I'm one of those sandwich gals, raising my kids and watching my parents age. It's getting to the point where there are days that I actually think I'm losing my mind. How do you get through this without completely going crazy? And things haven't even gotten all that bad yet. It's just so hard to see them failing and it brings up so many old feelings. I feel sad and really scared and resentful etc. etc. all at the same time. Mostly I find myself thinking about all the time they both wasted when things were going good for both of them, but at the same tme I feel like I'm doing that same time, wasting time obsessing about stuff I can't change. If any of you have been through the whole watching your parents age and taking care of them thing, please tell me if you have any helpful insights because I could sure use them.

are you a care giver to them? mine are both gone, lost them with no warning, my dad, 54, my mom, 69, we are watching MIL, she has mesothelmia, found out a yr and a half ago, she will be 86 in nov. i am an only child, hubby 2 brothers, if you have siblings talk to them, look for support groups, maybe in your church, most important talk to your friends about your feelings, bottom line this part of your life is hard to accept no matter what age you are

editing to say, talk to your husband, do not carry around these fears by yourself

Val and Cats, my heart goes out to both of you. It is so heartbreaking to see your parents decline while you are trying to maintain your own life. I lived through both of my parent's declining health, but my younger sister was the one who really deserved all the credit for being a sandwich wife because she still lived in the town with our parents, so she juggled kids baseball games, karate lessons, school events with our parents doctor appointments, prescription refills and outings.

So I suppose you can be at peace with yourself knowing you were a good daughter who cared. I wish you the best.

You feel stretched to the limit, and pretty much overwhelmed. Maybe it's time you sat down and figure out what activities you can weed out of your life right now. Nobody has super strength and endurance. Somewhere down the line, you won't have regrets caring for a parent. Regrets are almost as difficult to live with. I was stretched to the limit myself, a fulltime job (I hated by the way), helping in my husband's business, caring for the home and raising two boys, and attending neverending meetings. My aging mother was ill as well, but she lived alone, and it required me to run her errands, do what she was not able to do, etc. I failed to 'weed' unnessary stuff from my life, and as a consequence, I become quite ill myself. Then I wasn't any good to anybody for quite awhile. My only regret is that I couldn't do more for her or just take to time to talk to her about herself and her life.

Wow. You guys have been through so much. It helps to know I'm not alone which I sometimes feel like I am. And I don't really do that much to help out. My mom takes care of my dad. I mean my sister and I help out but there isn't much we can do besides help with some of her tasks and offer her moral support. I never feel like I'm being a good daughter. It's complicated, a lot of unresolved stuff from the past. That's one of the hardest parts. I'm often torn between which comes first -- my role as daughter or my role as wife and mother. Nothing really prepares you for all of this. I think one of the hardest parts is that I'm a planner and a fixer. If there's a problem I try to fix it. You can't really plan for the future when you don't know what the future will bring and that's really hard. But I appreciate the advice so much. I can't really talk to my friends because they're all younger and haven't been through this and let's face it -- friends have their own problems and don't really want to take on anyone else's. I'm just glad there's a forum like this.

Thank you for your kindness. It helps so much to know others have been through it too.