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When the California Supreme Court did legalize gay marriage in June of 2008, Del and Phyllis were the very first gay couple married by Mayor Newsom.

Martin and Lyon had already been together for 55 years at the time of their marriage.

Del Martin died just two months later from complications from a bone fracture. Del was 87 years old and had been in failing health for some time. Because Del and Phyllis were legally married, when critical choices had to be made about Del's condition, Phyllis had the right to act in the best interests and wishes of her wife.

Unfortunately, there are now thousands and thousands of same sex couples in California who do not have that same right--one of the more than 1000 denied to them and which seems to get lost in the hysteria and just bizarre logic of those fighting against equal protection for all citizens.

There is now a site designed to help couples--both gay and straight--discuss the uncomfortable subject of end-of-life issues: Compassion & Choices:

Most Compassion & Choices supporters would eagerly bargain away a few days of extended life in an intensive care unit in exchange for final days spent at home, in relative comfort and meaningful communion with those they love. Such folks don’t adhere to the doctrine of redemptive suffering and would rather slip away peacefully if imminent dying would be otherwise prolonged and agonized.

Well, the evidence is in. Recent studies indicate the single most powerful thing a person can do to improve the chance for gentle dying is — simply and courageously — to talk about it.
Talk to whom? First and foremost, talk to your personal physician. It’s never too early for this conversation. This March an important study appeared in the Archives of Internal Medicine. A large, multi-institutional study, it evaluated the quality of life at the end of life for people with advanced cancer.

Lo and behold! Those individuals who had discussed end-of-life values and preferences with their doctors experienced significantly less suffering in their final week of life. A significant reduction in intensive care hospitalizations and high technology interventions accounted for this desirable outcome. Not too surprising, the patients who had talked with their doctors, and who experienced a more peaceful, pain-free end of life, also received less costly care than those tethered to the tubes and machines meant to extend their lives.

But one finding is stunning enough to be a game-changer in end-of-life care. For all the suffering they inflicted and all the cost they incurred, the tubes and machines actually bought no life extension. None.

It's never an easy discussion to have, and it's more difficult when you must make clear to your doctor that you wish your partner (who has no legal status) to speak for you. C&C offers forms that gay couples may use to designate each other surrogate decision-makers as well.

At risk of being a downer, it's a conversation that you should have sooner than later, because not all of us are as lucky as to have 55 years with the love of our life.


i remember reading about their marriage, how can any compassionate person deny all americans the right to be married

On the marriage thing NO! but they should have something similar to cover things like that! Like a civil ceremony or something. I know Im gonna hear crap about it but IMO Marriage is between a man and a women! No if ands or buts!!
I do agree they should be able to make choices like that if they are a couple, and they should be upheld legally, but Marriage is a whole other issue!

for some reason alot of people want to make this all about the bible. well the bible has a lot of things outdated that we do not abide by that are back from centuries ago. you can't pick and choose. i may be a Christian but i believe the government needs to separate itself b/c as times change, the govenment must keep up with what is fair. Churches still have the right to refuse to perform a gay marriage..it's not about that. it's about a civil right. i think OF COURSE they should be allowed to marry and to obtain those same civil rights. fair is fair. and of course you gotta laugh at the morons that say things like "well does that mean someone would be allowed to marry their goat then"...ummm NO. b/c first, that's an animal and 2nd it's not a *consentual* binding of 2 adults. you gotta admit ignorance provides a few laughs at time tho.

sarahconnor, you are very wise indeed, if the church does not want to marry a same sex couple, OK, let a judge do it, separation of church and state, i am hoping that it becomes legal my state, NY

wanna, great avi, i just can't give up my kitties

BY the way IMO, I think the separation of church and state was the begining of our socity's downfall!! I was brought up with my belief system thats about it on the why! I have changed some beliefs but this one only a little bit!! I do think they should be allowed to have civil ceremonys I think I need to reclarify myself with this when I say no to it I mean marriage in a church . To me marriage inside the church is different then by a justice of the peace. I definitlley think they should be treated just like any other couple to have a civil ceremony, they should be entitled to the same as us "straight" people. I don't believe it's a civil right issue!! But I won't get into that either!!

I believe the Bible is an outdated book of antiquated laws written for the people in that time. I could argue this with anyone in any way you want. Any of us could. But as long as there is a thread here on this I will put my 2cents in and say that there is NO reason why same sex marriage should not be given the same statis as any other.
Who are we the judge??

You who do not think same sex marriage is a valid relationship "get a life". Tend to your own life & leave these people alone!!

Don't forget at one time a vast majority thought Black people were not entitled to any rights or women either!! Who do you think you are to J-U-D-G-E others & deem what is right & what is not???? Go back to your Ivory Tower & rule from there!!

i just want to make myself clear too, i absolutely believe gay marriage should be legal, when i said not in a church, i meant only if the pastor is opposed to performing the ceremony,i believe a gay or straight couple should get married where they want to

fyi, wonder if mel gibson will want to marry his pregnant girlfriend when his divorce is final? LOL

OK if gay marriage is legalized it's alright with me, just don't expect additional privileges: like being chosen over a hetero couple to adopt. Another thing is that I know Dustin's grandparents had to divorce in order for his grandmother to get govt assistance to provide her drugs near the end of her life, otherwise pop couldn't have afforded them. So if gays want marriage let them have it, but don't make exceptions for them. I also find it interesting that the whole gay marriage thing didn't became an issue until after the marriage tax was repealed, let them pay that tax for a while and see if they still want to marry.

I ams till trying to read how slaves and minorites were brought into this, but here is the truth about that, read it only if you can handle it. According to EVERY history class and personal book I have acquired (my fave type of books, so I have plenty)
Blacks are the minority of all slaves in history. Slavery stated with the Caucasians, Egyptians, Romans and so on. It was not until hundreds of years later that black Africans joined the club and turned on their own skin and sold their friends and neighbors to other countries. Maybe b/c this is the most recent slavery we as society can familiarize outselves with. But if you work in corporate America, you will see how this statement
"Blacks are routinely given poorer jobs & are grossly over looked for advancements. Now in addition to the blacks you have the Hispanics. They are the new slaves"
is a joke. Whites (and all other Americans) are passed over every day, thanks to outsourcing. So it is not only the minorities suffering here, white people are definately included in that statement.

Back to topic...
First I want to say the gays have their reasonings all wrong for justifying marriage. It is not a civil right, if it was heteros would not have to ask for a license to do it. For it to be a right, a license would not be needed, right?
Second, without yet saying where I stand, if gay marriage is legalized, where does it stop? Sure, two males or females marrying each other does no harm to the public, adn gives more money to whoever marries them (church or state). So society moves on and realizes hey, we polygamists have rights, too! All of our chldren can make up for the children gays obviously cannot have. So let us marry.
Again, this really does not hurt anybody. So we let them marry. Then we get to the extreme civil rights leaders who we all know are out there right now, just waiting for their opportunity...they say who are we to say a man cannot marry an animal? His cousin, son, daughter? Or a consenting 15 year old? I know these are extreme, but this is becoming an extreme America.
Incest was once popular, and beastiality was more common than people like to admit, as was children marrying at 13. Where does the marrying stop? Even PeeWee Herman, who actually was deemed fit to have a children's show, filmed him marrying an animal. Crazy, I know. I am just saying the crazies are out there and just waiting for a slight chance at what they want, and all they would need to say is "We have rights too. We had them and they were taken away.".
If there was some guarantee it would go no further than polygamists, I am all for gay marriage. Let love live. But there is always the crazy people who say "I deserve this," and there is eventually always that crazy judge who says, "yes you do."
I wish it would stop at polygamists, and I would be all for it.
Now, bring on the flack I know I am about to get...